Issue #22  January 2021 

Agatha Christie is regarded as one of the greatest mystery writers of all time, having created 66 detective novels and 14 short story collections. She died on the twelfth day of this month in 1976. 

In the spirit of never being afraid to try something different, I thought it might be fun (while likely personally embarrassing) to honour Dame Agatha by embedding this month’s three wine profiles within a short, old-fashioned murder mystery. That is, a wine murder mystery.

So, throw on a sweater, (it’s a little chilly down here in the cellar) and have your usual seat around the old oak tasting table as I bring you,  Death by Rioja.

Welcome back to the cellar.

Death by Rioja

“Whatever could be keeping him? I sent Featherswain down to the cellar for an ’89 Rioja, must be over an hour ago at least. He may be almost my age but he damn well should be back by now,” puzzled the 75-year-old curmudgeon at the head of the large, polished, Mahogany table. In his agitation, he fussed with a blood-stained, bandage around his right index finger. 

I was a few place settings away alongside my Aunt Edwina. She being the sole reason I was at this gathering, as every second Saturday I am not only her nephew but her driver. And this evening she had pressed her host, to have me join her at the table. The host by the way was her wealthy, widowed brother Seymour. The uncle we didn’t talk about. Although Aunt Edwina was in her 82nd year, her quick mind was at least a couple of decades younger. 

“Seymour, did someone finally attack you? Your hand is bandaged up and is that dried blood on your chin?”

“Oh shut it. Can’t a man have a shaving accident without the likes of you putting it on the front page?”

“At any rate Seymour, hadn’t we better find out what is pre-occupying poor Featherswain? How long could it possibly take to get down to your cavern of bottles and back? Or maybe he’s doing a little sampling of some of your prized vintages?”

“Perish the thought Edwina. You truly are my evil sister.” 

“I’m your only sister.”

“What a shame….,” said Seymour. “Anyhow, he went down just before you all arrived. Strange.”

And at that moment I went from being nephew and driver, to amateur investigator.

“Dear brother, our nephew Douglas here, will be happy to foot it down to the cellar and if not motivate dear Featherswain, at least bring back that ’89 Rioja you’ve tantalized us with. I do love a Rioja almost as much as I love depleting your cellar.”

The others at the table who had been apparently tantalized were Uncle Seymour’s long-time accountant, a Mr. Bartholomew (they all called him Barth), and a mousy, quiet as paint couple from the manor house down the road; the Fitzpatricks, Elaine and Blaine. 

My aunt had told me I’d get more conversation from a plant than from the Fitzpatricks; that in an entire evening, they wouldn’t speak more than a couple sentences between them. She said that was precisely the reason Seymour tolerated them. 

“He doesn’t want talkers around, he wants listeners!,” she’d said.

So off I went from the dining room; dispatched to the cellar leaving the others to a delicious red from Italy, between bites of beef tenderloin.

Luciano Arduini Bacan Rosso Veronese 2016
Italy
750 mL bottle VINTAGES#:  10126
$14.95

Down the wood-panelled hallway I walked tentatively, for no other reason than I didn’t really know where I was going. Even though this was my uncle’s home I had only been here once when I was young. He was the recluse of the family; only keeping company with Edwina, his accountant and the Fitzpatricks. 

I passed by the third large portrait and there just as Uncle Seymour had said, was an ornate door handle secured to what looked like more panelling. I turned it. 

A latch clicked and I pulled open the panel. It was the door to a descending, winding, iron staircase. As I negotiated the steps, I called out to Mr. Featherswain. A light illuminated my way down. I heard no response; only something telling me I’d be a lot more comfortable back upstairs with the others.

   “Barth, wrestle that white from Elaine if you will and pass it down here. I’ve been dying to give it a go. It’s apparently a beautiful Sauv Blanc from New Zealand. Featherswain grew up there. I must say, some days I wish he’d go back.”

   Edwina bristled. “Seymour, I’d hate to think what poor Featherswain says about you. Honestly!… Before you pass it his way, I’ll have that white please Barth.”

Mount Riley Limited Release Sauvignon Blanc 2019
New Zealand
750 mL bottle  VINTAGES#:  447425
$19.95

At the base of the staircase, I stepped into the cool, cavernous space lit by strategically placed pot lights. The walls were lined with floor to ceiling oak shelves that housed what must have been a few thousand wine bottles. There were darkened alcoves and in each, probably hundreds more bottles laying at rest. My eye went to a flashing blue light above a high-tech looking thermostat control with digital temperature and humidity readings. 

How that first caught my attention I have no idea, because there in the far corner of the room was Featherswain, I presumed. He was grotesquely bent over, his right cheek mushed against a chest-high tasting table and a frozen grimace on his face. His white shirt had a ghastly, bright red blotch centred between the shoulder blades. Surely it was evidence of a knife or the bullet that had killed him. A shattered bottle of ’89 Rioja lay by his feet. The deep red of the grape had mixed with his congealing, pool of blood. I fumbled with my smartphone and was barely able to get a picture of the dead man before I flew back up the winding staircase in a desperate panic. 

When I burst into the dining room, Uncle Seymour was holding court and of course, a glass of wine. “Well, considering that ’89 Rioja has gone missing with Featherswain, join me in a glass of this tasty Gran Reserva from Chile.”

Apaltagua Envero Gran Reserva Carmenère 2015
Chile
750 mL bottle  VINTAGES#:  481010
$18.95

If the shocked expression on my face wasn’t enough to get everyone’s attention, what flew out of my mouth did.

“It’s Mr. Featherswain!! He’s in the cellar. He’s dead!”

Uncle Seymour put his glass down. “Good God, he’s not!”

I clunked down my phone on the table for all to see what I had seen. It was then that Elaine said her first words of the night.

“Sydney!! My true heart!. You sweet man. You’ve been taken from me?” And she wailed the loudest of wails.

Blaine turned to his wife. “What are you saying Elaine?”

“Oh my. I think I know what she’s saying,” said Aunt Edwina.

“Holy moly,” said Seymour.

Then between sobs, the unravelling Elaine suddenly plunged her hand into her husband’s near jacket pocket. 

“I need your kerchief Blaine.”

She pulled it out quickly before he could stop her. Out of the kerchief rolled a heavy object. It fell loudly onto the Mahogany table in front of everyone. It was a blood-smeared, brass corkscrew with the initials S.F. engraved on it.

“Why that’s Featherswain’s, Sydney Featherswain,” said Seymour. “I gave him the damn thing! He wouldn’t think of opening a bottle without it. Took it everywhere.”

“Fitting that something he loved was used to kill him,” said Blaine Fitzpatrick. He had a satisfied but crazed look on his face as he continued. “But sorry dear, your dearest Sydney had to die. I couldn’t stand living with the lies any longer. Yours and his. I knew of your clandestine meetings with him down in the cellar; your cool, dark love nest. Which is now his tomb. 

You see I followed you there one evening when you said you were going to the ladies. And sitting at the top of the staircase, I was tortured by the sounds of bliss rising from the cellar, like the stench of a corked wine.

So tonight, when I told you I had business to attend to and that I would meet you here for dinner, I came here early and waited for your Featherswain in the cellar.”

I couldn’t believe the venom that was spilling out before us. And just as I thought nothing could ever be more bizarre, Elaine’s wails and tears turned to fury. She grabbed the corkscrew and wildly jammed it deep into Blaine’s neck. For a second he sat staring forward sort of frozen. Then he fell face first into the red pepper jelly mold. Dead as that red that started off the night.

I sat back in my chair stunned by what had just unfolded.

I’m not a professional, but it occurred to me that murder often cannot be explained and just as often it doesn’t make sense. But tonight in my Uncle Seymour’s manor, with the tragic story of Featherswain, Elaine and Blaine, murder had a rhyme and it definitely had a reason. 

The End.

Well that crazy turn of events brings us to the end of our time together for this month. We’ll see you in February. Until then, keep your glass of wine close and your friends even closer. 

Oh, and keep your corkscrew under lock and key.

Jim

If you’re enjoying my wine meanderings, I’m really glad. And please let me know your thoughts or tell me about any great wine you’ve discovered. Of course, if you know someone who might like to join us in the cellar each month, send me their email or they can contact me at: roamingbuffalo44@gmail.com 

Issue #19 October, 2020 

This being the month known for all that is frightening and unnerving, (no I’m not talking about the upcoming U.S. election) I thought just for fun we should explore a few wines of the scary variety.

So sweep aside the cobwebs down here in the cellar, have a seat around the old tasting table and get to know three bottles that might just petrify your pumpkin. 

Welcome back to the cellar.

To begin, here’s a bottle that is downright shocking. Two years ago this month, a French Burgundy sold at Sotheby’s in New York for a spine chilling $558,000. That’s almost half a house in Toronto! Needless to say, the bottle was an extremely rare one; 1945 Romanée Conti.

The 73-year-old bottle became the most expensive bottle of wine ever sold at auction, selling for more than 17 times its original estimate of a mere $32,000. 

This wine has become the king of collectible wines with the 1945 considered its most prized vintage.

Romanée-Conti only produced 600 bottles in 1945; the last year before the producer pulled up its old, prized vines and replaced them with younger vines.

Sotheby’s described the 1945 vintage as “concentrated and exotic, with seemingly everlasting power — a wine at peace with itself.”  I describe it as, ‘get over yourself.’ According to Elon Musk, one day you could move to Mars for less than what some collector paid for that single bottle. That said, I can only wish we had one to dust off and try for ourselves. 

Moving down the price scale a tad. Our next wine is a nice recommendation from a great friend and loyal affordable cellar-dweller. It wears a bit of a frightening label with ghoulish Halloween colours and all.  

But on a positive note, you can’t miss it on the shelf.

Casa Todelano Tempranillo
La Mancha, Spain
750 mL bottle LCBO#: 13462
$8.15

Casa Todelano features Tempranillo, the Spanish black grape known for producing full-bodied wine. And it is often referred to as Spain’s noble grape.

In the glass this wine is as dark as Dracula’s cape. And for eight bucks, it doesn’t bite. 

With aromas of herbs, it tastes lively and fruity. It’s medium bodied but with enough weight and tannins to make it quite enjoyable. 

And here’s the good news, it’s $557,992 less than what was paid for the burgundy we just discovered. No trick here. This cheapy is a treat.

It’s time I let you in on something. Don’t look now but while we’ve been happily sitting here in the cellar exploring the world of wine, we have not been alone. Perhaps you’ve felt a chill in the air. I’m not surprised because there’s a ghost in our midst.

A ghost from California.

Ghost Pines Winemaker’s Blend Chardonnay
California, USA
750 mL bottle VINTAGES#: 308122 Always Available
$21.95

Ghost Pines Winemaker’s Blend Chardonnay isn’t creepy in the least. It’s a friendly ghost.  In the glass, it’s a buttery, pale yellow. Bright and fresh, it quietly screams (oxymoron alert) flavours of pear, pineapple and vanilla. 

California winemakers seem to have a thing for vanilla. Sometimes a bit too much if you ask me. But in this case, it works. And as the temps drop, a tasty Chardonnay like this one is a nice alternative to the crisp and dry summer whites of the world.

I’m afraid our Halloween visit is drawing to a close. We’ve virtually gone door to door to door from France to Spain to California. That beats going around the block begging for treats. 

I’d say we’ve somewhat surrounded the world of scary wine. As Dr. Peter Venkman said in the movie Ghostbusters, “We came, we saw, we kicked its ass.” 

See you back in the cellar in November.

Until then, keep your glass of wine close and your friends even closer. 

And in the spirit of Halloween and everyone’s good health, keep your mask on.

Jim

Remember, if you’re interested in any back issues of Jim’s Affordable Cellar,  or a little background on yours truly, visit jimsaffordablecellar.ca 

If you’re enjoying my wine meanderings, I’m really glad. And please let me know your thoughts or tell me about any great wine you’ve discovered. Of course, if you know someone who might like to join us in the cellar each month, send me their email or they can contact me at: roamingbuffalo44@gmail.com 

Issue #17    August, 2020

This month, actually this week in the year 1912,  Julia Carolyn Child was born. 49 years later she would become known for bringing French cuisine to North America with her cookbook, ‘Mastering the Art of French Cooking’. Julia Child would go on to become television’s favourite chef with her show, ‘The French Chef’ which premiered in 1963. 

She had a no-nonsense, genuine way about her with a slightly quirky, high-pitched but all the same, proper voice. And she came across with the casual confidence of the culinary expert that she was. 

Interestingly she was not only born in August, but she left shall we say, ‘the kitchen’ in August as well. With that in mind, this month’s issue of Jim’s Affordable Cellar is dedicated to August’s child; Julia Child. And what better way to pay tribute to this icon of cuisine than to make this edition specifically about, wines that make a meal.

Welcome back to the cellar.

I’ve set the old oak tasting table with our usual three-course meal of three splendid wines, so let’s dig in. One of Julia’s (we’re on a first-name basis here in the cellar) favourite summer meals was pacific salmon; steaks or filets. And the perfect wine to go alongside this flavourful fish is a flavourful Pinot Noir. 

Emiliana Novas Gran Reserva Pinot Noir 2018
Casablanca Valley, Chile
750 mL bottle VINTAGES#:  14148
$15.95

I’m sure a delicate, French burgundy would be ‘The French Chef’s’ choice but for a good one, we’d have to throw ‘affordable’ out the window and kick it down the hill. However, I’ve found a more than worthy substitute from the Casablanca Valley in Chile. 

Emiliana Novas Gran Reserva Pinot Noir 2018 is a wonderfully good Pinot. It’s a deep, semi-transparent purple with that signature Pinot earthy aroma. But this one wafts a ripe peachyness as well. The instant it touches your tongue it throws a silky veil of goodness over your palette with flavours of cherries and spice. 

Personally I like to grill salmon but Julia was a ‘poacher’. Just for fun, here’s her simple recipe. 

Julia Child’s Poached Salmon Fillet

Ingredients:
8 6-8 oz. salmon fillets
1 tablespoon salt
¼ cup white-wine vinegar
Lemon wedges (optional)
Butter (optional)
Hollandaise sauce (optional)

1. Bring 2 quarts of water to the boil in a large skillet, adding salt and white-wine vinegar.
2. Slide in the salmon, bring back almost to the simmer, and poach just below the simmer for 8 minutes—the fish is done when just springy to the touch.
3. Drain, remove skin, and serve with lemon wedges, melted butter, or hollandaise sauce.

However you choose to do your salmon, by no means do not forget a glass or three of Emiliana Nova Reserva.

Another favourite of Julia Child’s is the lunch or light dinner classic, Quiche Lorraine. Quiche loves to sit at the table with a crisp, white wine like an extra dry Reisling from Alsace or a Sauvignon Blanc. The perfect partner could be Champagne but considering ‘affordability’ is our mantra here in the cellar, Prosecco fits the bill quite nicely. 

Santa Margherita Brut Valdobbiadene Prosecco Superior comes to us from the Veneto region of Italy. It’s made from the Prosecco grape, which by the way underwent a name change in 2009 thanks to the Italian Minister of Agriculture at the time who decided it would be henceforth called ‘Glera’. Wow, doesn’t that have a ring to it. I’m sure that’s an entire newsletter of its own.

At any rate, we still know it and love it as Prosecco. And there is plenty to love with this one.

Santa Margherita Brut Valdobbiadene Prosecco Superiore
Veneto, Italy
750 mL  bottle   |   VINTAGES#:  687582 Always Available
$19.95

Santa Margherita is the softest straw yellow color with a never-ending flow of rising vibrant bubbles. It’s fresh on the tongue with a richness of citrus. And with the beautiful and unique design of this bottle, you feel you’re drinking way above what it cost to bring it home. Apparently, it’s a celebrity favourite. But all that matters is that it’s a favourite down here in the cellar.

For our third course we have a delicious wine to go with perhaps the quintessential Julia Child dish; Beef Bourguignon. I know, Beef Bourguignon is more of a cold weather thing but we couldn’t talk about Julia Child without including it. And besides, it truly is a wine lover’s meal.  

Chateau Pesquie Edition 1912m Ventoux 2017
Rhône, France
750 mL  bottle   |   LCBO#:  577238
$18.05

Typically a Bordeaux or a full Pinot Noir would partner well with Beef Bourguignon, but a Rhone blend of Grenache grapes is excellent as well. Chateau Pesquie Edition 1912m Ventoux 2017 was created in honour of Mount Ventoux which reaches 1912 metres into the sky as part of the Alps. It is often referred to as ‘the Giant of Provence.

In the glass, this Rhone blend is an elegant ruby. It has aromas of raspberries, Saskatoon berries, plum and wood smoke. And it tastes full, smooth and fruity with hints of spice. Any self-respecting beef bourguignon would be honoured to share the table with this very nice wine.

Well I’m stuffed. Never before have we had so much food and wine down here in the cellar. Clearly, I’ve got some tidying up to do. We’ll see you in September.

I’ll close this edition with my usual parting sentiment. Keep your glass of wine close and your friends even closer. 

But I’d like to give the last word to Julia Child, who finished every episode of her popular cooking show with her signature sign-off. 

‘Bon appétit.’ 

Jim

If you’re enjoying my wine meanderings, I’m really glad. And please let me know your thoughts or tell me about any great wine you’ve discovered. Of course, if you know someone who might like to join us in the cellar each month, send me their email or they can contact me at: roamingbuffalo44@gmail.com